To battle
the inner demons
only i know and now
i must fight
first it was lust
and sex
and drugs
and achohol and
abuse
and anger
and rage
and hate
and now it is
selfishness
fear
doubt
dont you trust me
yes i do
but something
inside of me
is kicking and screaming
and ugly and sticky
and curled up and i woke it up
i dont know how but
i woke it up and now its screaming at me
fighting me
trying to take
me down
back to the ground
where there is no sound
what am i living for
why am i doing all this
what is the purpose
what is my purpose
part of me wants nothing
but to wander the earth
to try to help people all over
part of me wants money
and comfort
and love
and things
and they fight with each other
and i face the battle
again
again
over and over again
i dont want to live for hollow things
i dont want to live for selfish things
i dont want to be selfish
i dont want to care only about me
but its so easy more so in a world
where everyone tells me
love yourself first
and fix yourself first
and then help others
great well i will never help anyone then
i will always be trying to fix myself
i am unfix able
i am un mend able
i will always be broken able
i am under attack
i will fight back
i will not give in
nor will i give up
the struggle is between my inner self
my ego
my destructive side
my dark side
my personal demons
i chose though to evoke them
to hunt them
to go after them
to find them
to uncover them
most i know ignore them
or feed them make them
fat and happy
cause when they are fat and happy
they dont come out to try to
make you struggle
when you live for them
they dont fight you
when  you try to go against them
try to do what they dont want to do
they rage up out from the depths below
and they scream
no dont cut me off
dont take away my food
and then i am forced
to take away everything that feeds them
then they find another source
so i cut it off
and they find another
and i cut it off
then i am left
alone
feeling very
empty
and very alone
and very afraid
because i no longer have them
to seduce me
to enchante me
to lie to me
to feed me
to keep me
covered up
in there pretty little game of sleep
of numbness
just go do drugs
no i cant i wont
just go have sex
it feels good
it will make you forget this
naging
this inner voice
saying move away
just go and have
a drink
or two
or six
just go and cut your wrist
let the blood take away
your feelings
this uncomfortable
place i am in
where i am feeling
or seeing rather
these ugly
sticky
things
inside of me
who like to take
my energy
the layers
the walls
what am i doing
why am i here
what is my purpose
dont ask that question
you have no purpose
god cant use you
your fallen
guilty
you are nothing
your a whore
a sinner
so what
i argue
are we not all
they are silent
you cant win
i dont have to win
you cant be good
i dont have to be good
you cant believe in God
no i will
come fall down
come follow us
come we will make you
comfortable
we will give you
everything
we will make you
happy
we will make you
satisfied
we will give you
pleasure
we will
do all this
as long as you stop
asking those questions
and searching
to find the truth
just stop
just lay down
just be numb
just shut up
this is my battle
i think i found them
hiding
and i am not giving in
they are not happy
some would say i need
medication
i say
we all need to look
beyond that
maybe there is a spiritual world
maybe there are angels
and maybe there are demons
if not
then well my ego
has many diffrent ways of trying to prevent me from
being
free
from
attacks
which seem
to come from the blue
but then
i battle them
till i fall down
and give up
you lost
already
why am i wasting
my time
even listening
out
silence
goodbye