++++++the story of elucido and the making of BETA++++

The elucido project

David and I met when we were both just young, budding dreamers at a homeschool function. I remember the first time I saw him. I felt something deep within connecting. I knew we had a purpose, that we were supposed to do something together. I knew it had to do with music. I don't know how I knew it. I just knew. It was a feeling deep within. Over time, we both began to see it and understand it. I saw it so clearly in my head. Like it was real.

Eventually, we started making music here and there. He played like I played -- from the soul. I kept trying to speed up the process. I saw us some day creating music that would touch people and show them a little bit of heaven on earth.

When I was 17, I left home. My life fell apart and I was at the end of the line. David came to live with me. We talked about what we wanted to do with our lives. We started going out, learning, moving through music scenes, meeting people. We fell in love with music. At the same time, I also fell into a hole. David then left and went to stay with our artist friend, Cliff. There, he made the CD Athanasia 10 Steps to Immortality.

I set out on my mission to make it and to learn and also to get from Atlanta to New York where I wanted to build a music studio. One night, David and I made a huge list of things we needed in order to do an entire album. The list was massive. The next day, David thought we had both lost our minds and he retreated back to suburbia where he tried to be normal.

As usual, I, with nothing else left and no one to cling to or run to, posted the list on my wall. I memorized it, learned it and then looked out into the world and tried to figure out how a little 18 year old girl with nothing could make the huge amount of money needed to fund a studio in New York where she could create the music in her head.

Then, along came Mr. Turk. He tried to take me and David to the top, but, of course, it wasn't time and it wasn't right. I ended up on Madision Avenue, yanked from Georgia and looking at a five year contract. I freaked out. Five years! That would mean till I was 23. I looked at the industry and at what they wanted me to do. They wanted me to do what THEY thought I should do, sing the way THEY thought I should sing, but I didn't want to do pop because pop was not what was sitting in my head. It was pop land and the land of Aerosmith and I was sitting there.

Meanwhile, David was working for Darin Prindle, a big producer who did things like Boys to Men, Sinead O'Conner and people like that. David soon rose and was being taken to London to work for Warner Brothers. I was happy he was there, but he was miserable. He missed the process of creating from the soul as opposed to just making sure it was a hit.

So he ran from London and I ran from Madision Avenue. It was back to Plan B -- the original plan to do it all alone, just the two of us. I remember looking at God and saying, "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to go out into the world alone. I don't think I can do it." God didn't care what I said. His answer was always the same: "Keep working and follow your heart."

The next thing I knew, the modeling world was sucking me in. I used it -- milked it -- to educate myself and to learn about the industry. I learned what not to do there and I learned by making lots of mistakes. I learned by falling, but it was okay because I would much rather have learned the hard lessons in modeling than in music. With modeling, I never saw myself as anything other than an artist who loved to create. Nevertheless, I rose to the top of the bottom and then, all of a sudden, I had the money I needed. I took every penny I had earned and poured it into making my dream a reality -- building the music studio and moving to New York.

Right before I moved to New York, David and I created The Fallen EP. David thought that I was abandoning him by moving to New York. I looked at him and said, "Come with me."

But it still wasn't time. I had to fight a few more battles in my own life before there would be room to make music. People started trying to manage me, to control me. I would listen for a second and then see the truth and run away. I was scared though because I was alone and deep inside I didn't know if I was strong enough to protect myself from those out there who like to take energy and use it to just feed themselves -- to feed their own empty souls.

So I hid in Bed-Stuy. I hid and, at night, I would sit at the piano and sit at the turntables and God would tell me that this was where I needed to be. Inside though, I was fighting a huge war because something has always tried to keep me far away from music. Something very vicious. I tried to fight it alone, but then in Bed-Stuy, I learned the truth. I couldn't fight it alone, so I gave up control and gave it all to God. I had spent three years in battle -- three years of fighting and of trying to create a way to not only let the music become a reality, but also to protect it. I didn't care about protecting myself. I only cared about protecting the music. I didn't want the wrong hands getting inside and using it for destruction.

By the time I was in Bed-Stuy, I was trying to swim against a strong current. The people there helped me. I was almost recovered from years of eating disorders. It was at this time that I also became a vegan and found spiritual support from the elders in the community. I felt safe, warm and protected in the most dangerous area of New York.

Shortly thereafter, I went to LA to visit Mr.T. While there, he played me music by this band called Marz. I had never heard of them, but I liked what I heard. They had this intensity behind them. "Interesting," I said. I wondered where that came from. I always look for others out there on the radar. I feel it. You can always feel it. I opened my email and then I found an email from Brian Sirgutz. This is what followed:

<< -----Original Message-----
From: Lostmodel@aol.com
Sent: Sat 12/15/2001 8:32 PM
Subject: bilee and athanasia

Good afternoon or evening
I am in LA right now shooting, funny I'm listening to Marz, right now.
Its funny when I started plastering my stuff out on the net it was in the faith that people would find it who got it.... and then connect with me.....its like weaving a web, its been working so far.....

When david= Athanasia and I started we had a manager and a lawyer and all that good stuff. But do to my looks and there idea of marketability they want the music more pop.

David and I have been best friends and soul mates since we where 13 and our music has always been different.
So we made the decision to do it our way even if it took longer and was harder.
So I set out modeling and working to finance building a home studio and moving to NYC.
David was set back because his mother got cancer, and his dad dropped out on his family.
Just recently he finished building his studio in Atlanta and moving out of home. (his mother is better)
OK
so lets bring you to the hear and now
David and I just started getting our lives in gear to start working together again
the thing is David is the dream producer but we are yin and yang

we arent complete without each other.............David is going to be flying up to NYC the 11-14 to bring me what he has been working on and to help me set up my
studio (I am not engineer and or a producer I am always afraid I am going to blow something up )

He and I where planing on working on new material starting this winter........
we write fast
fallen+ is 9 min or so with 30-40 layers we wrote it in one evening
cold= was written in one sitting mixed down ect

OK i hope this is making sense
in other words writing is easy
the thing is both of us have been growing up and creating a stable world of our own.

b:What are your goals with Bilee & Athanasia?

j: to create music with soul, that can touch the soul that can
cause people to think, to change the industry, to create music that
reminds people of what life is, to inspire.......to write music that is
uplifting and that can help heal no destroy, music that is food

I have been in the entertainment industry since I was 15 and I am not into the drugs and the sex or the money, I have been there and done that. Its not about fame and or money its about giving back......................

David is a musician a pure artist, he is one of the most talented people. I know
allot of great musicians and have hung with some of the best. David is a Beethoven, but he also is so dedicated to the music he only cares about his keyboard and a pack of smokes here and there. He has always trusted me and has left me in charge of the marketing and the business aspect.

David has spent most of his life in his room with his computers and keyboards, except for when we would go out on occasion and hang.

When I was working with Erik Turk (former manager) I took David to Eric, who took David to Darien Prinndal, David did some producing and some keyboard work for a bunch of artist in the hip hop , r and b realm and some others.......Warner Brothers flew him to London to work for several months, but when his Mom got sick things stopped......

David is about writing music and thats about it

I moved to Brooklyn a few months ago ( a week before sep 11) and started to get set up there. I knew one of us had to relocated and since I model I was the one who could afford it....... the goal was to write for 3-6 months and then I was just going
to start calling the people I know who have shown an interest and put
together a press package.....ect...................David has been working on a solo project ( I haven't heard yet and he was going to bring it too me and I was going to shop that as well.

are you looking for a recording contract?

sometime in the nest year or so yes..........as long as we take our music in the direction it has been going........and not have to give up creative control

Have you ever played out live?

no, but that is only because we never saw the need, we have talked about it and doing it wouldn't be a problem, it would just require hiring other musicians...

If you can send me some more of your work I would greatly appreciate it. You can send it to my office:

can mail it or bring it

your in NY, so am I maybe we should talk on the phone and then maybe when David is around if you are intrested we could meet >>

*************************

All of the sudden, something sparked inside because they liked what we did, not what they wanted us to do.

In the subway, David looked at me. "I feel it. Something is happening. That something is the breath of something big being pushed into little wacky artists like us and it's saying `Go! Move! Do it now.' "

At home, we sat on the floor and the world seemed so real. We talked and it hit. The next thing we knew, it was a few hours later and we were walking to the train to go pickup a U-Haul. David's ex-girlfriend had left him in a bad situation -- stuck in a lease he couldn't afford. I had some money saved up so I went to my safe, took out half of my savings and we drove to Atlanta. We talked the whole way down. Two dreamers united again and this time nothing was going to stop the music. Nothing! We both wanted to create music and that was the only thing we could think about. It was as though we were consumed. There was nothing for either one of us to do but music.

Soon I was in an office in Atlanta handing over money to the landlord. People were shocked. David went and quit his job. We packed his apartment and his studio. Then, that night I fell asleep on the floor between Jonathan and David who are like my brothers. Deep inside, I felt a huge sense of peace even though the outside world thought what we were doing was mad.

We then drove back to New York, unpacked and joined forces. We brought his music gear to mine. We sat on the roof, eating Chinese food and staring at the sky. Something was happening.

Something did happen. Actually, lots happened. David and I completed a whole album. David also produced three other artists. His name as a producer started to spread, but then, when faced with selling his artistic integrity, he chose not to play with the majors. He turned down thousands of dollars because the motive behind the music was wrong. At the time, I didn't understand him, but that was because during BETA my shell -- the shell I had built to protect my soul while I survived in the battle zone of the world -- was being removed. When we wrote "Lost," I was sitting on the floor crying because this was what I always wanted, what I would die for, what I would take any amount of pain for. It was about creating something that could transfer love over wires.

<

David and I have spent 32 hours in a cargo van driving from one end of the country to the other, its a long story

decisions seemed to have been made for us........we just went along
so after three days of driving, packing and unpacking we are here attempting to marry the keyboards as well as the computers....
in other words I now have a roommate
Now we have two futons
three keyboards
and umm way to many coffee cups
Its funny today I had a meeting with a friend who I have known for a while
he handed me a box.........then we went to lunch
after lunch and him picking my head for a few hours he looked at me and asked how much I needed to focus and not to worry
he and I have known each other for a while......
as he says he is just buying me time

anyway
so now
I am worn out, we got back to New York at 7 this morning and then I was in meetings all day and we half set the studio up and tomorrow is another day of work and play
i am going to Paris for a few days the 7-12 but I will be here most all of the time after that >>

That was an email I sent to Brian right after David and I moved in together. Brian educated us. I don't think he has any idea of the amount of hope he gave to two artists that truly believed the entire industry was full of people who only cared about money.

<< (It was a pleasure meeting you and David yesterday. It is my hope that I
in some way inspired you guys to take that next step (on your own terms
as well)

The nads reading list as promised (and required as you will be tested):

Hit Men - Dannen
All You Need to Know About the Music Business - Passman
Confessions of a Record Producer - Avalon

This should get you started....you can find all these books at Amazon.com) >>

It was the small things like those emails that meant so much to us while we were locked away in Bed-Stuy eating Ramen Noodles and battling fear after fear. Things like that made us feel like we weren't alone. I think that is really what mattered -- just knowing there was someone there we could go to if we needed to.

Brian has been saying this to me since he met me. I suppose he knew then and nothing has changed.

<<(Try to spend at least 15 to 20 min each day just breathing and clearing your mind (easier said than done) yet, you will find that you are more centered and balenced. Hence making you more productive.)>>

That was good advice because I would often get lost in a hamster wheel of thoughts and in order to write music, I had to be connected.

Conversations like this happened during the making of BETA:

******

Of course.....one step at a time, life has always been about a
bunch of steps, well of course that is once life started.....

-- of course...I'm sure you are looking forward to taking these
steps...some steps can be scarier than others...

******
because some people are just, touched, moved, however you want
to say it......its rare to find people who are sincere, and allow
themselves to be open.
A friend of mine ( he was the creative Director for Disney
amongst other things said to me once) there is 98 percent of the world
takes, consumes, and then there is the two percent that feeds the other
98. Now granted as you said before over coffee they sheep are the ones
who consume and without them we wouldn't be here.
But I remember growing up and I remember music saving me,
because I connected to something, I connected to someone. I didn't feel
alone......
I could get into a massive essay about the state of America, the
state of culture, the state of music, the affect music has over culture
and history (did you study harmonic physics by any chance? I have tried
to do some research but there hasn't been a whole lot written and I
found most of the books said the same things just a slightly different
perspective) it is interesting though because in the early 90's we had
the whole underground rave movement, which is a perfect example of the
use of music to create a sense of an emotional state, escape, a
spiritual experience.
The rave scene got ugly, the last time I went to a rave I went
to see Sasha , Digweed and Rabbit in the moon... I went sober and the
energy there was overwhelming, there where close to or over 10,000 kids
there, it was in Atlanta, and as I walked around I noticed the kids on
the floor, more where sitting or laying or curled up on the floor then
where dancing, they where on the floor because they couldent dance.
I saw people die, and the party kept going,
anyways I walked out and I felt for the room , they all just
wanted to connect, they wanted out, they want to grasp onto something
anything, the problem was the music got lost and the drugs became the
center of the scene.........
Musicians are the ones the kids watch, they
follow...............
OK I wont write four pages
we will move on
most people who are givers get used and drained and never make
it very far.........
but a stronger giver is hard to find, I know a few
David has always been a better judge of character then me, I
always want to see the good, I think I have gotten better, that or I
think it is just because someone has been watching out for me I have
been lucky enough to not run into the types that give me headaches.
anyway

******

I feel that music is THE universal language. We use it to
connect (or re-connect) wit our true selves, to connect with others
and/or to connect with the workings of the universe. It amplifies our
happines or pain, soothes our fears, spells out our desires and makes us
a little mor human. I tuly feel that as children, the world is full of
pontenial and simple perfections. As we age, these simple things get
lost amongst the confusions, the wants, hurts, fears and comples issues
that rattle the human brain on a daily basis. Music, per the prssing of
a play button, not much unlike your mouth watering for that first bite
of a warm cookie, anticipates that feeling your about to feel....and
then the music starts and you are brought into a whole new world; a new
place that makes sense. In the rave you desribed, everyone was
connecting to the music or at least trying to connect. Per the drug
issue, people feel they can connect to music better and sometimes they
can...it's about WHY you are taking the drug...those are the ones that
miss the point and than miss the meaning.

I feel that when I can touch one person in an audience, through
a recording or a video, I have given something back to the world. As an
artist it is just as important as air; to give what's inside and
hopefully it can touch someone and make a difference.

******
You only see a skeleton of what is there the rest of it is being
prepared......
Its because I know the Internet, I know how it works, I watched
I toyed, I found out......
draw them into
a maze almost ... what you saw is what is been sitting almost stagnate
for three months because the response was overwhelming and I am not a
webdesigner. My site got pulled down and I had to have it moved......
It has been reconstructed, but when it is it will be as close as
I can get it ( as long as my webdesigner can hack it) to putting someone
in my head
I have gathered support from several areas, from art, to
fashion,
From e-zines, and radio dj's to magazines
and then there are individuals which never cease to amaze me I
get novels from people telling me there life stories and the only bad
thing is I can answer them.....But I am listening
so anyway
now I am crossing over into other things, because its about
being scene, and for me crossing lines.
I am not done with all the lines
but anyway I had myself and a vision and then it was a matter of
gathering the peaches and then someday the other players
because as much as I like to do everything on my own, I have to
schedule sleep right now:)

*************
It will all come together...I hope you are able to schedule
some "you:" time...the gym is a place I find the time for me...also Tai
Chi classes and meditation (when I get around to it...but it get's in
the way of my caffine highs... You built it, and they (the masses) came
out..if you can connect with them by making your life as open as
possible, i am sure your music with David will connect as well....

*******
There is love without lies out there and it is hard to find,
love is something that we have tainted the meaning of by putting all
these demands on a title.
I thought love was all a joke, and then I found that first you
have to have honesty and once you have truth and honesty in a
relationship or friendship then love can grow. Love takes time too,
David and I have been best friends/soulmates for years, although we dont
see each other or long periods, Dawwn ( a beautiful soul) and I meet and
she and I love each other like sisters, its not easy, because I have had
to fight at times, to keep it together cause it seems things always want
to crush it
But the world has backwards views on love and relationships
it dosent allow it to grow
I also think it takes being alone and in love with life first
and then once you reach a place where your comfortable in your own skin
for the most part love grows.
The sad thing is most people arent comfortable in there own skin
and as much as you try to help them, people wont change till they chose
to change.

************
***********************

Eventually, we finished the album and we met with Brian again. We talked about next steps. Little did David and I know that our next steps were already mapped out for us. The buzz started and the next thing I knew, we were getting feedback from the majors. "What is it? Where do we put it? Where is the hook?" As we suspected, they didn't get it. They only saw things that fit in packages, but then the letters from the fans poured in. The people liked it. The people all loved it. People within started playing it for people. They were sharing it. Emails have been popping in my box ever since we created BETA. Emails from people wanting a copy. "Where do I get it?" they would write again and again.

I was feeling strange. I was feeling stuck. I was being drawn to Williamsburg. It was like a magnet. David and I discussed getting a place together, but he had the whole world back home calling him for help. I also got an offer to go to Milan for modeling. I also had quit doing a lot of work so my finances were much less than they were before and I couldn't continue to support everything and heal and grow as an artist. Then, when our landlord told us the rent was going up, we knew. The sign was there and it was time to move again.

BETA sat there staring at me. I needed a break. I was back in a battle now for other reasons. Back to boot camp. Back to training. We set up the music gear in my new room in Williamsburg and the plan was set. I needed to develop myself as an artist. I needed to find myself as an artist. David wanted to do the same. So we went our separate ways.

When he left, I felt alone and I felt afraid, but at night I would write music. I didn't know what I was doing. I just did it. Meanwhile, I would play BETA for everyone. For a while. I got caught up in modeling and drinking and lost my focus on music. In time, however, I looked at my life and tried to see why I couldn't focus. I saw the root and then changed my life again.

Then I was in Milan and there it started again. One day, I was sitting in Duomo, a magnificant cathedral, and music fell into my head, very beautiful music. I was so afraid. "I can't make that God. I can't even sing that well." God answered, "You will." I looked at Doumo. He said, "The people who made this said they couldn't do it either." So then in Milan, between fashion shoots and castings, I was giving CDs to everyone and writing and singing, writing and singing. I was promoting BETA non stop. People loved it. DJ's played it out. People were using it to make love to. I watched the energy build. I understood that BeETA wasn't dead. It was just going to be different. In Milan, I came out, I healed and I found my calling. Everything made sense. Everything came together.

While in Milan, Rob, my friend who assists me and is a fierce believer in both me and in the music, burned 100 CDs and mailed them to me. I was not leaving Milan till I gave all of those CDs to people. As I was turned down at castings because I was too thin or too small, by photographer after photographer, I would leave a CD. The less I focused on modeling and the more I focused on music, the more doors opened. The next thing I knew I was being requested, not being rejected. But soon enough, I knew my vacation was over and I had a plan.

Back in New York, I decided to focus on music and the website full time. I also did all the things I always dreamed of doing. I got over my fear and the next thing I knew, I was writing music and posting things online. I was also getting a huge response. Then, I started playing out and now, here I am.

And now, my precious, I give you BETA.
The beginning.
The start of a journey.
A journey which isn't over until we are dead.

BETA was created for you. It is music created to inspire and uplift you at the same time. It was created to comfort you. Created to transfer love through wires. I poured my body and soul into BETA, as did David. We created it for the purpose of wanting to give something to you. I had given it away for free and I would give it to you for free too, but my savings is gone, so now I either have to go get a night job or make enough money through live shows, selling CDs, getting sponsors and donors in order to continue to support myself and making music. (If you really can't afford it but still want it, that is cool. Email me and we wil work something out.)

At this point, making music, writing, creating, making beautiful images and films and using technology to help educate and inform others is all I want to do. David and I also want to do another album so the sales from BETA are going right back into funding the next album. Unless I win the lottery.

Also, if you want to help fund future projects, let me know. Although we have nearly all the tools, we do desperately need new computers. Other than that, the only thing we need is space and food and time.

So, that is the story behind BETA.

By purchasing BETA, you will help me and David create more gifts for you and you will confirm what I firmly believe -- that artists can be supported by their fans directly in many ways thanks to the internet. Thank you. And enjoy.

Jillian