sitting staring
over the city
the beauty
overwhelms me
people walk
quickly all
around running
from place to place
avoiding inner state
silence is golden
helicopters fly overhead
everywhere I go
reminds me
of Cory
in his back yard
wondering.....
why everything
was falling from the sky
----------------
trying to pull
my head away from
the shadows
the phone brings
the past back to
the present
can't run from it
so i try to understand
how this could become
something positive
my mistakes
are caught on tape
my immature actions
forever captured
i see what i used to be
a child dragged into
things not understanding
the reality
of the effects
years down the line
I cannot change yesterday
I only have today
if people knew
the truth
they would hold their
tongues from
judgment
their hearts
would go so hard
they wouldn't be so
cold but it's so easy
to judge what you fear
I do it all the time
I see myself
my own behavior
knowing it's all choice
I have to make
then I was a child
playing with fire
unaware of
what I held
inside my body
within the mind
now I am not blind
so i open up and I
see the truth
cutting holes into
the lies
it took me falling
all the way down
to understand
why there are things
I was told not to do
I learn the hard way
the only hope
is today
tomorrow
and forever forward
on with the motion
letting the emotion
come to the surface
break and crash over
fall into the sound
of sonic memories
pouring out from years
of not listening
to the very cry of
my heart telling me
to not play
the part of
someone i cant be
now what i used to
pretend to be
haunts me
staring at me
pictures
i can't
erase
so I face it
look at myself
and mourn
for the child
who thought
she would find love
if she was just
good enough
sexy enough
rich enough
happy
perfect
baby
pin up
idol
then I realized
that there was no love there
just empty praise
now i walk
wandering empty
handed
stripped back to
where I started
all over again
with nothing but
pictures and songs
to tell the story
of where I have been
I see light though
I see hope
I see salvation
rebirth
another chance
to do what I
was created to do
but I know that love
comes when
I have nothing
when I am nothing
when i am broken
empty
lost
then when people love me
I know it's not because
of a pretty picture
they see