want to see
or believe
there is hope for humanity
attempting to see
beauty in broken dreams
so difficult
everyday to see past
the evil that hangs
like sullen songs
sung all night long
by beggers and queens
of heart heatache and forgotten faith
grasping on to the beauty
grasping on to it like it is your last breath
hanging by a thread
afriad to fall to your death
craving to see
beauty
the goodness in humanity
or to believe
in something
sullen eyes
sullen lies
sullen nights
sullen child
grasping on
reaching out
wanting to shout
let me see
the otherside
the other life
cause the rain
covers the sun
come back
come back
let the sun come back out
and fill the shadows
with rays of hope
like babies
we want to be
free from what
we care not to see
believe cause only hope
can set you free
only faith can rescue
the beauty
bring out the love in humanity
so little light
to touch the world
to feed the hungry

closer as time goes by us
closer as life grows beyond
what we know or can trust

closer skin to lips mouth to flesh
hand to hand
heart to heart
closer to love or something
considered meaningful
closer to the edge
like a little girl on top of the slide just waiting
counting as she steps
closer to the edge
she falls down
heart comes out of
from the
from the chest to the lips
falls down
heart comes out
from the chest to the lips
falls down
gets up runs around
back up then falls down
around and around

closer to the edge looking around wondering
who will catch her if she jumps out

loves stands there
pushing her to fall
trust it or don't love at all
the only way to soar is to fall
to take your feet off the solid ground
to look forward never down

so loves calls up to walk on edge
past what's comfortable
where there's no security
of have to trust it
or don't love at all

loves stands there
pushing her to fall
trust it or don't love at all
the only way to soar is to fall
to take your feet off the solid ground
to look forward never down

I got a new heart
The other day
Someone took the broken one away
I sat on the subway and cried
Cause some girl took all I was inside
She sold it to the highest bidder cause she thought that what I needed
So I got all run over
All chewed up
All broken

My hear was attached to a million empty strings
Being pulled by a million people for all the reasons
She wore my face but she couldn’t let her heart play
Cause she was attached to a million empty dreams
The heart got broken and it was plastered all around

Then one day I asked to have it back from her

She looked at me and said you don’t want it
You don’t want to feel
You don’t want to open up and leave yourself vulnerable like a child
She told me to hide under her mascara
Under here black shadow
That drew people in because maybe they saw me hiding somewhere under her front
Her face
Was my face?

I kept trying to brake out
But I couldn’t kill her
Cause she was tied around me
Cemented with strings
You’ll never make it out there without me
She said
Over and over

So I couldn’t get away so I started to pray
Hey God can you help me
One by one he started cutting the strings
Each time I felt the lose

Like a heroin addict without its fix
I had gotten used to all of these empty things
I had forgotten who I was
Underneath all the strings
All the layers
Of walls
Of protection I had built
Because I was afraid
Cause I was ashamed
Cause the guilt
Devoured me

They told me it was the only way
They where wrong
They told me I couldn’t get my heart back
They lied
I didn’t see it though cause I was blind

I asked for my heart back
They said ok but you are going to hurt
You’re going to cry
You’re going to feel so much inside
You’ll be afraid cause there isn’t going to be any of the people
Feeding you for there own gain
So I said ok
I’ll deal with the pain
I just want my soul back

So the strings were undone
One by one
Still being on done
It’s painful
I cry at night cause it feels so good to be alive
To be free
From all the mask that used to cover me

Like a slow trickle of blood coming back into my vains
Like a slow flow of life filling a void

She went away and now I feel like I can play again
I can smile again
I am free from myself my own worst enemy
Now there is so much cleaning up to do
But it isn’t so bad because at least now I can see

God sent some people down to help undo me
To help me get past my own disbelief
My own doubt
How could I have been so blind to think?
That there was only the dark side

I wanted my heart back
I asked over and over
Kept on believing I could get it out of the box
Undone
Let free

Now I have a new heart
A new outlook
A new life
Each step
Brings me closer to the dream

Anyways
The new heart has to go play

It’s a new day

Jillian

Were did all the good boys go
Did they lose the game?
Drop out of the show
Smile pretty
Sparkle in the eye
Like a child never losing
What’s inside?
Smile pretty
Good boys come along
Once and awhile
Like a good song

So many bad boys
Who string hearts along?
Litter box boys
In bars
Driving fancy cars
Tell you they love you
So they can play with you
So many bad girls
Who don’t go home?
Sleep in sheets
Like queen bees
Tell the boys they love them
Just so they can be
Petted like a queen
Taking till there bored
Till there empty
Till they can’t see

Where did all the good boys go?
Where did all the good girls go?
I was a good girl
I was a bad girl
Some days I forgot
What love is?
It isn’t a game
No like poker
Or checkers
There isn’t a prize if you have the most pieces
Did all the good girls and goys forget?
That in the end
They’ll win

Good boy smile
Sleep next to angels
Daddy told me
To go buy some wings
So I could fly away from all the bad boys
But I forgot to get them when I left home
So I got caught in the bars
In the cars
Then I tried to crawl out from under the sheets

Like ice melting in the summer time
Like dreams drifting
In super time
Don’t get caught on the wrong side
I’ll hide under sunglasses
In the shadows
Like a ghost
I’ll watch for the good boys
Keep an eye on the bad boys
Try to slip away from the danger

Learning to let life go
Living letting fear go
Accepting what we cannot know
Learning how to let life go

To grow
Falling must take place
Burn down the walls
So the face can show

Learning to live in this space
Happy without a name
Smiling in faith
Embracing human mistakes

Let it come
Let it go
Let the lesson
Teach us
Accept what we will never know
Let it come
Let it go

Like a question that will never be answered
Like the reason we have faith as a child
Cause it is easier to believe then to see the answers to
A million questions
A million holes
A million things we can never know

Let it come
Let it go
Accept life
And let go

Learning to let life go
Living letting fear go
Accepting what we cannot know
Learning how to let life go

To grow
Falling must take place
Burn down the walls
So the face can show

Learning to live in this space
Happy without a name
Smiling in faith
Embracing human mistakes

Let it come
Let it go
Let the lesson
Teach us
Accept what we will never know
Let it come
Let it go

Like a question that will never be answered
Like the reason we have faith as a child
Cause it is easier to believe then to see the answers to
A million questions
A million holes
A million things we can never know

Let it come
Let it go
Accept life
And let go

God looked down
In the midst of my fall
Reached down
Helped me move through it all
Even though it’s hard
To follow my heart
He told me how to start
By listening to the truth
The world try’s to tear me down
Try’s to put the dreams on the ground
It’s hard to get through
Hard to do what you need to
Cause the darkness always lingers
And some days you feel like no one cares
That’s when God looks down
And will help you see
Past the walls
Cause we all fall
And it’s hard some day’s to see the way
Back
Cause when you feel there is no hope at all
It’s easy to forget
The strongest love of all
God looked down and reached his hand out
As the world fell apart
GOd lifted me out
As the world feel
He gave me a new start

Back Home

I feel the energy
With the train
With the people passing by
I feel so alive
So glad to be back
Sticky heat meets
Rapid heart beats
Careful to catch the train
Careful not to fall again
Pushing past phobias
Forcing myself out the door
Cause some days I don’t want to fight
But as I lay down
I go far away
Then I travel to a bright place
Last night he looked into me from heaven
And told me to change
I can’t return
To the darkness
Flee he says from your old ways
Your forgiven now go out ad play
Play in the light
So softly contrived masterpieces
They unfold
In sleep
In silence
In communication
He shows me how to see life
How to love the small things
How to take the energy from the angels
How to grow some wings
Freedom is a choice
Vision is silence
Allowing your heart to breath

Bad things
Haunt me
Bad things
Taunt me
Call out
Seek me
Cant escape
The bad things
Sad things
Break me
Sad things
Take me
Call me
Silently
Cant swim
In the sea
Without
Seeing the shore
In things
I cant believe
Or be contained
Cant blame
Or behave
Must just
Turn away
From bad things

Reach Back
Reach Out
Push open
What holds you back?
Or pushes you down

Dancing on Broadway
In a torn wedding gown
Telling your mother your not leaving town
Till your shoes fall off
And you can’t see straight
Or till you can’t see a way
To get up
Off the ashy stairway
Filled with the pictures
Of a prom queen
Pictures of little girl who looks a lot like you
Who talks a lot like you?
Wearing the prom gown
You found in the alley
Now you dance around town
Down Broadway in the prom gown
With flowers in your hair
Wearing red panties
And smoking in the street
You tell your mother your not leaving town till your shoes fall off
Till your broken or dead
Can’t go back to that small town mother
Got to make my dreams real
Got to make it on stage
To sing the song mom
So till then she dances down the street
Taking photographs

You’re so thin
Don’t worry I eat
Not much cause money goes to pay rent
Mom rent is high in New York
But you’re going to disappear
I’ll be fine
I’ll keep dancing mother
Down Broadway
Down runways
Don’t worry about me
Causes I cant go back to the small town where I couldn’t dance on the street
T