Mr T
i remember how you put your hand
on my hand
driving down the 405
music blasting hands flying
smoking and singing
you were my fellow fighter
off to help the lost
off to reach the broken
on an adventure
on a mission
you were a fallen angel
the first time i saw your face
i knew you were marked
one of those who went astray
then i saw you there
beside me and there was no one
but me to remind you
you know you're loved
year after year
i would track you down
i would hunt you
i would write you
over and over
till you would write back
i came to your house
you tied me to the ceiling
i felt safe though
as you smiled and laughed
you know you like it
you know nothing can hurt you
and you made me face my fears
and i made you face yours
mr.t excuse me but i miss you
we were just started on our adventure
in time
remember the nights i would fall asleep
on the floor in rubber
by your feet
i would wake up with a blanket
around me hearing the sound of bt
i always felt safe and warm with you
i always felt protected
you were like a guardian angel
who just happened to like to drive fast
and play hard
the night i met you i was carrying a knife
i was a little girl in fear of her life
then you taught me the power of my own mind
the truth of what i could do
you showed me how to be a woman
when i felt i had no worth
you believed in me
you told everyone how
amazing i was when i thought
i was worthless
you took me in
you gave me comfort
you were a friend
a mentor
a brother
i slept in your bed and i used to feel the demons
filling the house
but i knew you were safe
but i sensed something close to you
i told someone you had a mark
something dark
something evil
so i prayed every night
God would keep you safe
but as i prayed for you
you watched over me
always were there when i needed
someone to call
you were there when i was broken down
you were there when nothing made sense
i remember driving down the 405
and you took my hand and i just held it
and felt the love
coming from your heart
i moved to new york
we talked all the time
then i noticed
your demons were getting bigger
and i prayed harder
i was about to come to LA
and take you out to the desert
because I knew you had to get away
from the drugs and the sex that was keeping
you in a cage
but then one day
i called and left a message
then in a week another
something was wrong
even if you were busy
you would say something
everyone told me
you were ok
but then i had a dream over and over
of you crying
in a jail cell
i was in philly
i called someone
we have to find out
i know it sounds strange
but maybe my dream knows
maybe it is more than a dream
maybe it is a warning
then he found you
you had been there since the night
i had my dream
i wrote you a letter
you wrote me
told me you loved me
and you were growing spiritually
i smiled
you went to the desert but it was there
that you became free
i smiled because i knew
you and God had done your talking
and you were a new person
free from the chains
the shadows were around you now
but you danced around them in circles
laughing endlessly
the night you got out
i was walking on 55 and 5th avenue
when i spoke to you
i felt the angels singing
while i was in jail
i remembered all the things
you said i laughed
you did
really
i read the bible and it all made
perfect sense
you read it?
really
yes and i get it
now i am part of the team
from there we became partners in crime
our crime was freeing peoples minds
"i want to help the lost"
"they are my sisters and brothers"
you went out to help them
to love them
to support them
to encourage
to lift up
to love
no matter if they were a drug addict or a stripper
we talked about making music
about going on the road
about Jesus
about how messed up things are
about what we could do
about how to help
and we helped each other
each day we grew closer
i came to LA to see you
they are following us
I know I said
it doesn't matter
what can we do
we can't win
we just will go on and do what
we are going to do
he knew nothing we said was a secret
so did i
my boxes are missing
my car keeps breaking down
i know there is something lurking
mr.t and i sat in the parking lot
at the place we used to eat
we talked for hours and jumped with joy
our hearts were light
even though we both knew there
was something lurking
watching
waiting
and i put my hand in his
you're safe now your in God's hands
there was a peace there
even though we knew as we stared at the sky
that the world was changing
and something was lurking
we can't fight the future
we can't change what is coming
we exchanged information
mr.t we cant stop the machine
i have thought of it my whole life
we can't stop people from believing the lies
they are making chips
i know
they have built thing
i know
people are asleep
they don't see
i know
what can we do
love them
love them
and spread the message
the message
there are two God
and one doesn't love you back
let's go somewhere
so we drove to a hotel
one of those cheap ones
somewhere in the corners of LA
we opened the balcony
all these birds came and settled down
i looked at the birds
they are Gods messengers
they are here for a reason
i looked at mr.t
what should i remember
to listen
he said listen to people
God speaks through people
follow your heart
and now is the time for you too work
so much more was said
about God
about the system
about people sleeping
the birds kept coming
they are warning me
he said
i looked i felt like i never wanted him to leave
we talked till i passed out in bed
and he left
i felt the lurking of darkness
he called me the next morning
we talked about music
how we were going to make some
how music could light fires
in the dead hearts
driving down the 405
holding hands
we talked till the sun came up
after mittens and i had to part
you need to work
no relationships now
you need to focus
you need to grow
he was always there for me
he cared to question me
when are you not touring
i will be
when
soon
no you need to do it now
get on the road
i believe in you
make the music
speak the truth
i believe in you
mr.t and i walked into the hotel
the year was 2001
to the window i said
as we stared over the people
over the city
then we walked people stared
everywhere we went
then i slept
next to his feet
he was a soul mate
a brother
it was September 10
i called him
Cory something is wrong
i can't sleep
i have this dream
buildings falling
Cory and i talked
about God humanity
the government
culture
why do I see
the next day he called me
did you hear
what happened
your dream is a reality
flashes
walking down the street
so i am seeing this guy
which one
the music guy
yes
when will i meet him
someday you would like him
he is deep and beautiful smart and dark
like you and me and the rest of us
strange ones
well tell him to call me next time he is around
maybe we can talk music
i was in Chicago
Cory i have an idea
lets start a label
we talked for hours
about music
labels
the industry
why aren't you on the road
move forward Jillian
move forward
mr.t and i hand in hand
bondcon 2002
he pulled my hair
i laughed and smiled
you know my weakness don't you
we were the strange couple
who people followed
even though we never kissed
people always wondered about us
summer 2003
LA driving down the 405
you know i am so glad you know God
hey we will both be on the road
at the same time
doing the same thing
it's amazing just to know
i am not alone
that your on the mission with me
that together with God
we can help reach the lost
"i want to reach the sinner and show them love"
"you have to make them think, once you get them thinking they will search"
"you have to speak to them so they understand"
"parables"
"show them love"
"God told me to listen"
"to love, to teach, to encourage"
so you're going on the road right?
yes next album
so are you right?mr.t i don't understand
what don't you understand
why he went away
because you need to be alone
don't argue with God
just follow him
Ok
Cory I miss you
come out here let's make music
I will as soon as i can
how are you doing
well i went out and listened to the birds
and the trees
God is everywhere
we talked of people
how are they
good and how is he
good
how is the music man
i am praying for him
i prayed for you for three years
so i will keep loving and praying
how is so and so
how is jessica
how is dawnn
we were always
keeping tabs on the ones
running around
between LA and the other towns
i laid down on the ground
he had pushed me
till i broke down
till i broke open
till i cried
till i laughed
he opened my soul
i opened his
we shared our dreams
our visions
or mission
so this is the year
when we will both go on the road
and spread the message
mr.t and i came from the dark
we are and were drinkers
and smokers
and did lots of drugs
and got in trouble
then we found God
and found a new high
then life became new
a reason to live
to reach to love
to create to channel
to give
we came from the dark
we stay in the dark
if they judge you
forget them
drive fast
play hard
live for truth
it is all that will last
we were driving down the 405
he put his hand on my hand
i watched the sky fly by
listening to the music
loud
and free
i will be loud and free
i believe in you
i believe in your music
he said to me
when you going to go on tour
cory
cory hello
where are you
call me when you get a chance
i miss you
hope your well
i love you
hey jillian
its mr. no yes man
call me i miss you love ya
December 2003
cory it's me
what's up baby
and i went on about rob
about mr. music man
about music
about God
Cory i had a strange dream
i was in this cell and this thing in this suit came up to me
and it said
"i am going to stick this in your arm and you wont be able to talk you will be silenced"
Cory then in the dream
the needle shot in my arm
and it went into my head and then i died
then i woke up cory
i woke up and i passed out
and i got up and i passed out
cory, it was really dark and evil and scary
he was silent
well sometimes we don't know why
i have been asking God why a lot lately as well
what do you mean
well, sometimes things don' make sense
we talked about music
making music
new gear
geek talk
the usual
God
Love
Dreams
Visions
when are you going on the road
i love you
i miss you
i love you too
i broke down
crying
walking home three am
a dark car follows me
leave me alone
i scream at the sky
God, what is happening
what is going on
do you trust me
yes but something is wrong
something is wrong
why is this happening
God why
what is going on
i don't understand
i got home
i called cory
hey where are you
i had a vision
are you ready to walk on water
what do you mean
trust me
what is going on
are you ready
oh no not again
something is about to happen
God
God
what is going on
come on
not again
not again
please
the next day
i pick up the phone
what's going on
what's wrong i say
you're not going to like this
what
Cory is in jail
for what
the FBI showed up
for what
the lurking
was no longer lurking
i put down the phone
i went to my bed
God
no
no
no
please
God
not this
no
God
trust me
i heard
then the next day
i found out
all the details
i can't talk about
the press wont publish
i am silent not out of choice
but because i have to be
i knew it was over
he was done
they always win
you lose
i was sick to my stomach
sick and crying
disturbed and broken
mr.t
was not a terrorist
i don't believe they did this
feeling confused
trapped
alone
broken
God
what is going on
my head hurt
i went to church
they talked of a man who died for his people
died because he was trying to counteract the system
but if you know God there is no death
I woke up at 1 am
Cory
Cory
then i heard a voice
Jillian, Cory is in my hands and safe trust me and let go
i went to bed
the next day
i was sitting feeling peace
cory is with you
ok God
you don't make any sense
but ok
I will trust you
i was writing music
thinking of touring
of the people
of the message
then there is a knock at the door
hello
it was Rob
Cory is dead
i stared out the window
dead
well that makes sense
now i know why i had the dream
i want to be alone
he left
i broke down
cried
i broke down
the lurking
the shadows
they caught up
they know the plan
they knew what we were going to do
but the thing was
we didn't care about the government
we didn't care about politics
we care about people
they stopped him before the book
before the road
before the truth spread further
gone so long
why am i still here
because i am harder to make disappear
no one would believe them if they tried to tell people
i killed myself in jail
if i vanish
i am not suicidal not now
i like books and letters enough to keep me busy till i die
he never sent powder to anyone
neither would i
i don't care about them
i care about the people
i know i can't fight and win
i can only write and sing
a song
write a tune
dance with me
and dance with you
i have never been in jail
i have never threatened anyone
or anything
i don't believe in killing
i don't believe in war
i don't believe in weapons
i believe in love
that is all i fight for
i cried
on the floor
like a baby
they took him away
then i felt the presence of him
and an angel for a visit
mr.t
i felt a hand on my head
cory
hey you're gone
no i am not
you're not on this earth
i can't call you
i can't cry to you
i can't sleep at your feet
i can't talk about my relationships
or music
or God
or love
you're gone
and you weren't supposed to die
it's not fair
jillian......
i am here....
remember i am here
with God
and we are talking about so much
you will be here soon enough
chill out
i made it here
you know
thank you.... for showing me
but cory you just woke up
come back down
come back
i am alone
jillian...
you're not alone
i am here
God is here
you have angels
you have work to do
stop crying
i am in heaven
i am safe
and there is nothing lurking
nothing watching
nothing trying to stop me here
i am free
cory......
but i wanted to make music with you
i wanted to talk to you
to go on the road
for you to see me maybe someday on tour
jillian.... i see you
i am here
and you will be too
i got up
i stared at the mixer
the keyboard
the music
he was one of the first
to believe
in me and love me
one last thing
when are you going on tour?
God
why?
sometimes you can't know why
but why
just trust me
so the battle is on
i know what killed cory
but the battle was won
because he already was saved
death had lost its sting
you lost
i scream at the shadows on the buildings
i hear the voice
i heard before
he is more powerful
than any president
or government
or politician
welcome back mr king of darkness
you have been away
or just leaving these circles alone
i see you have returned
and brought a few friends
he may be dead but you lost
checkmate
i feel the eyes of dark looking at me
you lost
you lost a long time ago
and he went to heaven
so sorry i beat you to it
you tried to convince him
there was no God
no truth
no hope but your forgot
you can't stop love
and as long as I love and don't give up
you lose
i see him angry
i know you're pissed
get over it
and by the way
you don't scare me
sorry
he looked at me
snarled and told me about how he is going
to kill humanity
go after my friends
sure threaten me
so what
i stop loving
i know your tricks
i know your ways
i know the only way to overcome you is love
and yes
mr.....
i am on the other side
i am your enemy
better leave before i start
praying again
then they left
the room was still
again
welcome to the year 2004
if you don't believe in angels and demons
God and Satan
better not hang around here very long
better not listen to my music
better not come and read this
better call me insane
and tell me i need medication
better go back to your tv
soma
and sleep
sleep let your soul sleep
because here is my life
and i will document it
for the sheer evidence
that there are such things
for they can be seen if you look
under the surface
between the cracks
that keep us from seeing
so now
what to do
cory is gone
i am left
here
i hear the voice over and over
make a record
go on tour
love them
share the message
of hope and truth
love them
ok i get the message
i hear you loud and clear out there
so now cory God and whoever else is listening
this one is yours
because i don't care about saving the country
i don't care about saving the world
i can't save anything
i can just love you
and hope you get what's coming through
mr.t
i am going to go on the road
and do what you were going to do
mr.t
i wont forget what you taught me
mr.t
i wont be afraid of the dark
mr.t
i wont stop believing
mr.t
i wont stop fighting
mr.t
save me a cigarette to smoke in heaven
mr.t
come visit my dreams
mr.t
you know i love you
mr.t
you know i would have died for you
mr.t
i know you would have died for me
mr.t
remember that time when we were driving down the 405
singing a song and holding hands
driving fast
living hard
praying for safety
all through the night
mr.t
i am just glad you're in heaven now
mr.t
you know
maybe we are all angels
mr.t
i am going on tour
this year
one way or another
mr.t
i suppose you got an earlier flight
i am still on standby
mr.t
i will be there soon
then we will pray
that all our other friends are in the same place
mr.t
tell God i am sorry
but i wanted you to stay longer
but i guess God wanted you home
mr.t
you know there was an earthquake the day you died in LA
mr.t
tell God i need someone to talk to about everything
or else i will keep bugging God
mr.t
i miss you
mr.t
i will make music
you will hear it
ask God to send me your ideas
i know God can do that
mr.t
i got to go
tell God
I am not mad
I just miss you sometimes
mr.t
i miss sleeping by your feet
mr.t
you would be proud of me
now i have lost sheep
sleeping here
mr.t
goodnight
see you soon
on the other side