beautiful boy
dont you know i dreamed of you
now i wake up and wonder
when you will go away
be a ghost
a memory
cause no one has ever been able to love all of me
maybe i am to complicated
to many holes i cant seem to stop up
to many issues to deal with
even though i try to do the best i can
it never feels good enough to me
i sit on the floor
i wanted to see you
you were feeling hungover
i understand
i had a dream
a fantasy
of making love to you softly
really being here
not splitting
not going away
giving not just taking
a dream about what love is supposed to be
i got taught all wrong
by twisted teachers and those who are so lost so gone the only way they get off
is by destroying others
now i say a prayer for them
its done so i say so long i hope there hearts get better
so they dont cause anyone else to miss
the way it most have felt
to never have any fear of love
any fear of being held
any fear of letting go
i fight my body
it fights me back
i want to pour my soul out through it
but sometimes my soul runs and hides
under the bed
its safe now
come out
come out
come out
i want to love you
to hold you close
to pour my heart out
into you
i know i can
but time seems to be the only thing between
me and you
i sit here and burn candels
my whole life i wanted to make love
to hold someone close
to show them all of me
most just wanted to take and leave
so i got used to it
now its diffrent
you give
the first time you made me cry because
i felt you giving
no one had done that
i wanted to return but there was a wall
so i got the hammer
down down fall down your no longer needed now
the voices scream what if you get hurt again
used again
raped again
i dont care
what am i going to do live my life listening to you
in fear
half dead
down
down
down
i want to be real
i want to feel
i want to hold your hand
against my heart
love
this is love
the kind of love
i dreamed of
now i stand at the edge
i have to jump
my whole life i always said
why cant anyone say i love you
and here i am
with the same problem
so i will return
to crash and burn
i'll say it
i mean it
if it is rejected
then so be it
at least i expressed it
why are we so afraid to feel
what happened to emotion
why have we become
robots
robots
talking lies
talking nonsense
nothing from the heart
only from the mind
i hate my mind
off mind
shut up
be quiet
i want to be free
like a child
crash and burn
if that is the way it must be
then so be it
i will bleed
i will burn
if i taste love
and say it
if i share it
and let it out
if i am honest
then i must
so this is my i love you
i will say it to your face
when we meet again
dont worry
i dont want anything back
i learned not to expect it
yes of course i would like to share my life someone
i have so much to give
i am jsut so afraid no one will undestand it
so i pour it out into words
into sound
into art
media
music
so much love
it explodes in my chest
i want to let my heart explode
with you there
on the other side to
feel the energy
i feel
lately
i have cared less
i know i will be hurt
hit
beat
someday again
someday i will die
so who cares
as long as i live life
like i am really alive
so i sit here
with my heart
open
wide
wanting to bring you
inside
wanting to give it away
wanting to share the love
so down
down
down
breakdown
teardown
destroy the walls
i want out
dont try to put me back
i dont want to go back
i wont hide
go ahead
hurt me
i say to the wolves
blocking my way
you can kill my soul
so who cares what happens
i may seem vunrable
but i will never die
my soul will always
carry on
and my soul
tells my heart
love is all that matters
dont let them take that away
dont let them stop you
so yes i love you
love your eyes
your smile
your heartbeat
your hand touching my face
your words
of compassion
your soul
of fire
your eyes that see
into me
yes i love you
and i am willing to step out
of my box
my isolation
from the world
from risk
i am willing to jump
off the building
and i dont know if i will fly or fall
but it dosent matter does it
cause if love is true
it will make it through
so now
i prepare
to dive
into
the
blue
cause
down
come
the
walls