fan mail what you say and reviews

fan mail

i'll let you talk if you have something you would like to say please email me at lostmodel@aol.com

ps. if you can't say something nice it is better not to say anything at all

--------------------

I agree.
I've had "I know how hard it is" in my head since I heard it days ago.
Of course what's in my head is always off key so I have to listen to
it again and again. :-)

--------------------------

Jillian Ann,

I know I will enjoy it. I've downloaded all the MP3s that you have put up. I am buying the CD to satisfy the need for more, and to further support your current music, and the creation of your music not yet formed.

I burned a few songs on CD so that I could listen to them while driving... sort of in an anticipatory state while waiting for the real CD to arrive. :) In listening to "Epedemeic" in rush hour traffic this morning, the world kind of faded away, and there was this -- I don't know... To use the word "sadness" would be like trying to describe being in love as "nice". It was so many more things than that.. On the road it was bright and sunny, about 70 degrees -- but as the piano continued to play, I knew that it was raining somewhere. Somewhere in that rain, there was someone looking out of a window, someone isolated and alone. Not without hope, not necessarily sad... but... well, "paused". As if their life was a movie, and someone hit pause. And while I was contemplating this, the same effect took over for me, and I was "on pause" until a horn from another car alerted me to the fact that traffic was indeed moving again.

THAT is music, and that's why music is life to me.

If the rest of "BETA" sounds anything like "Chocolate Dope" I already know that I'll enjoy it. I happily await it's arrival.

Again, thanks for the music, and your time.

Jillian Ann,

I sit here writing you while listening to "Alarm Call".

Funny how (AND WHY) things happen. I saw your images on OMP. You are in New York and I in California. I never send e-mails to any models outside of California. Never until you. I say, "funny how...", because I always say things happen for a reason, and believe it! Where I currently am in my life right now is exactly where I am supposed to be, I know this deep within my soul. Hearing your music and reading about your past only confirms this very fact. It's tough to explain (but I think you'll understand), sometimes you feel like God is sitting right next to you handing you a message, your soul beaming with excitement, as you know that everything is perfect as it is and that everything is going to be great. Suddenly you feel so at peace and comfortable in your skin.

I was so surprised to see all the content on your site, in a good way. I appreciate and admire your honesty and willingness to open up to the world. There are very few people like you in this world. People trip out on my honesty and at times I have scared some away. New York is different than California in the fact that most people out here are full of it and themselves. Everyone in L.A. is an Actor and a Model yet none of them have ever had a single speaking role or a single tear. They go on and on about who they know in the industry when in all actuality they know absolutely no one. Everyone uses everyone, but that's okay right! :(

Your music reminds me that in my creativity is where I find true happiness. I also have been in a lot of bad situations and have made some poor decisions in my life. I am grateful that I have survived each and every one when at the time I questioned the very fact. For the last two years I have been living my dream as a photographer. My creativity flows freely and I am truly, TRULY happy when I am shooting/creating. All the things in my past which I thought were negatives were in fact only positives and have put me right smack where I am now. I needed to go through it all, to be humbled, and to learn to appreciate who and what I am. No more "pity parties" just thankfulness and dreams! You wrote "Dreamers never die." SO TRUE!!! My dreams have kept me motivated through the most difficult of times.

You said you read a lot. I just finished a book, "Excuse me, your life is waiting", by Lynn Grabhorn. That book showed me how lost I had been for about 8 out of the last ten years of my life. I was always a dreamer and a positive thinker, most happy at those times...I just got a little lost for a while there.

I apologize for the long e-mail. Sometimes I laugh as it appears I write more for myself than for those whom I am writing. I am glad I found you and your music. Someone once wrote, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

---------

seem no matter how late it is I love to write you and thank you for being. I want one or two of your cd's the music you make like I said before brings me peace neutralizes me, which do you recommend, id like to listen to one while I sleep I usually listen to something while I sleep or I have nightmares

---------------------

It's difficult to find the proper adjective when talking about you.
Outstanding, extraordinary, stunning, beautiful, hot, deep, inspirational;
they all seem inadequate. I will say that my life has become better,
because of knowing you and that the world is a better place, because you're
in it.
--------------

Jillian Ann,

I stumbled onto your site a few hours ago, and have been there since. I've
listened to your music while reading a years worth of journal entires and
biographies. I know that you don't know me from any other soul sitting 12
inches away from your page, but I hope that my words will still have a
little weight.

I'm not going to tell you that you're beautiful, you already know that.
There is no talent in beauty, it is a gift that you either have or do not.
No, the truest beauty in you can be found in your love for music, the truth,
and your nurturing, dreamer aspect. I love the idea of Elucido, and would
love to see something like that work across the nation. There are sooo many
young artists that have no way to be heard, no way to get their music out.

I love your music. Absolutely love it! "EpedEmEic" is great, as is "almond
butter". As great as they are, "MiniStry" is even better. On the other (or
just another?) side of your talent -- Vocally, your dreamy, heady voice fits
perfectly with songs like "miss you" & "chocolate dope". Very remenescent of
the work produced by Delerium, with a touch of Cocteu Twins... And these are
only a few of the tracks I've heard... I'm still listening.

I am awed by your life story. You have been tested, and tested well, and you
have overcome much. I've always said, "Conflict reveals the self", and you
have certainly had conflict, which is why you're so enlightened. The truth
shall set you free, and freedom is yours. I cannot say anything more than
you already know, or have been told before -- I am not the wordsmith that
you are.

Speaking of -- wow, do you like to write. I feel that I know more about you
than I do some of my closest friends, which tells me I need to work on that
with my friends... It is the reaveling of the inner self that brings others
closer, and in turn, their revelations that bring you closer. With that in
mind, be careful of the weirdos out there that no doubt are drawn to your
beacon of truth.

Finally, before I go, are you still selling BETA via the paypal link? I'll
definitely purchase a copy if it's still available, as will I purchase
Neverland and Lullaby when available.

Thanks for sharing your story. Thans for sharing your dreams, and your
music. I'd love to add as much to the "soul" of the world.

-------------------------------------------------

JILLIAN ANN,
HI MY NAME IS SAM I LIVE IN TAMPA BAY FLORIDA
IM ON YOUR WEBSITE I GOT TO TELL YOU YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL LADY...REMARKLBLY..BEST PICTURES I EVER DID SEE

----------------

Hi Jillian,
I saw your site and find it most interesting and real. I know of you because
we seem to shoot with the same photographers, websites and travel in the
same circles. I think your an inspiration a real breath of fresh air in this
industry. I hope you don't min but I have placed you in my modal links
page.I was hoping you would put my link up on your site as well. I'm an
illustrator/painter/wed designer and model. Thanks for your time.
Positive Energy Always Creates Elevation.
------------

Greetings from Toronto, Canada!!!

My name is Vincent, and I just happened to browse your site after great
recommendation from a friend of mind! I'm into television production
(fashion among other shows) advertising and voice talent for commercials
and corporate stuff... ...so everything related to creativity is always a
great source of inspiration for me.

And after browsing your site, I was very very impressed with all those
things you've been achieving! I've been in New York quite a lot of time
(it's so close to Toronto!), and each time, the same thing happen: I felt
so energized just walking in the streets, looking, talking to people! What
a great place to be in contact with all the senses!!! Soho and Greenwich
(especially the meat district area next to Pastis and Mrkt) are always a
real source of pleasure to hang around not to mention the coffee shop on
Spring street at Houston!!!! Browsing over site gave me the impression
that possibilities of expression are beyond our imagination!!!!

Again, "Bravo!" and keep on making dreams become a reality!!!! From now
on, I will visit your site regularly!!!!

-------------------

dear jillian ann,
okay, so i'm sure you get mail like this all the time, it almost makes me
feel really lame for even writting and not even want to send this. my friend
throckmore was telling me this model girl from nyc was down loading stuff
from him all the time and that i should check out her site. so i did. it is
an awesome site, the photo's are beautiful and the essay's(especially the
vegan one) are really great. i haven't gotten
the chance to read any of the journal entry's yet, but i'm sure
i will find them to be amazing too. you are a truly beautiful womyn
and your passion and honesty for things close to your heart make you
all the more beautiful. never stop being you.

-----------------------------

my name is caroline and im 19 and from toronto...one of my friends showd me a picture of you like a year ago and eversince than i have been visiting ur sight to look at ur pictures..u r very beautiful by the way..but my point is..i think that what ur doing is great..i love the fact that you are so completely human..and how you give personal experinces to ppl and give them valid and important information espetially about the modeling industry...i just finished reading about what you eat..cuz like you...i have for most of my life been batteling my own demons and eating disorders and i have been a vegan for a year...im just writing to wish you the best of luck and just to say that i as a person who has never met you i am thankful because you have made an impact on me and im sure others.

much love and respect,

------------------------

Hi Jillian Ann

One I'm a real fan of your type of music
I grew up listening to Harry Chappin, Bob Seager, Chalir Daniels, Oliva Newton John
Sheena Easton. I like music not some screaming sound ment to bust my ear drums.

I just through sending an E to Jeff Pitrelli about his coming to Chiller this spring and was bragging how I got your song for WCTH. I really do want to try and include at least one of your songs in every movie I do.

Damn I forgiot to mention that I put on your music when I work on the computer at night.

-------------------

Just a brief message. I hope you are well and all the good things it seemed to
come follow the right way. I want to talk to you in a more extended way but it's
12:15 a.m. here and I continue with more or less 40Mb of images not yet
processed from last week end in Àger. It was cold there, -7.1ºCelsius the first
night and -3.5 the second one. I only listened to music of Delerium the first
night and a record that appears new to me from "Alpha Wave Movement" entitled
"Trascendence" incredible good ambient music, I'll send to you in near future.
The second night was yours. From the first piece I downloaded from the web to
the last. I enjoyed especially "Take a bite of the apple" and "Flying trees". I
looped some times around "Second Avenue" and I reviewed my two major faves of
your Elucido times; "Some very foolish" and "Sleep". It's wonderful your piano
work. I liked very much "Finding something..." especially thinking it's a live.
I wish I were there! But... maybe someday we can return to listen to the
"electronic" Jillian? I can't hide that I liked very much your electronic music
especially the more atmospheric songs.
--------------------------------

I was struck then by your photographic face. It is a work of art in itself. You have so much life in your eyes.

I have since followed you on the net. I have grown to your music and your writings. I find myself daily checking out to see you are o.k. - I am drawn to look to find details of your new music, your thoughts and expliots in NY and beyond, your need to find out your boundaries, and your want to keep pushing your limits.

I am a willing supporter of your work and therefor I have finally have come in from the cold to introduce myself and to let you know there are people on the other side of the world supporting and looking out for you.

Keep well and keep exploring,

You Australian Web Friend,

-----------------------------

I was reading the last days your "blog-spot-log" - hmm - and I have to
say, YOU are something very special - a little bit strange - I mean it
positive - but special - and then I found at your page the music-links
and there where also "The Cure" - and I had to think about your
writing - about fear -> cure <-> fear - hmm - I don´t know if you ever
have seen the cure-video where the are all in a falling box - I can´t
remember the songtitle -> fallin´ and not to be able to get out of the
box - I hope you will get out of your box - no I don´t hope - I´m sure
- you will
Say Hello and Wave Goodbye

--------------------------

Hey Jillian- just wanted to say that I enjoyed talking with you the other
night and seeing you perform. I just checked out your website- girl, you are
busy!!! Very impressive. What gorgeous photos! I only had scratched the
surface and already 20 minutes had gone by. I will have to let the
investigation be a process.
Meanwhile, please let me and Wylie know of any shows you may have- I can
also check the website.

-------------------

have been listening to your music all day while i'm playing around on my laptop. i was just thinking that you remind me of the supermodels EDIE SEDGWICK AND TWIGGY. you know there were quite a few female models who went into the music industry. there's Grace Jones who also modeled and did music and there is Sade Adu also known as SADE.

i plan on buying some music from you. i do music also but i don't have anything up yet-but i will. i like to think to your music. it sounds like it takes you to a spirit world while your walking down the street or looking outside your window. it's really cool. hope to hear from you.

------------------------------------------

Hello Jillian,
My name is Jason and I'm a techno musician

. I listened to your work today on
mp3.com and just wanted to write and tell you how
impressed I was. I really dig the track "Don't Give
Up". You'll be pleased to know when you spoke
"...believe in things you cannot see." the hairs on the
back of my neck stood up. I haven't listened to
everything posted but I plan to, I want to pick up the
disc that has "Don't Give Up" on it too. You have a
very unique style and sound, which is rare in the
electronic genre - I swear I can hear a classical
influence in your music.

--------------------------------------------------

I listened to some of your music on the old website (it seems a long
time ago). I wandered onto your new site today. Like the old one, it
has a big spirit.....so much today doesn't. I find it really inspiring.

I just listened to the 3 tracks you put up on mp3.com of the Elucido
project with David Kirby. It's really special. Really great.

It's a bit weird trying to write this: my life has a different tempo
and it's almost incomprehendible how many things you're doing.

Anyway, my mum is Italian: My dad's Australian. My wife is Polish: We
live in Denmark. I feel half Australian and half Danish now that I've
lived here 12 years. I guess when you travel a lot you become an
independent nation of one. I payed my university fees by playing music
in Melbourne. I don't know, it seems that's the way creative people
are: I can dream music like I can dream shapes. I'm a product designer
- form languages - I do strategic and graphic work too. The way I work,
I help companies to express personality from the bottom up. I hate all
the branding hype: advertising agencies make amazing stories for
companies, but then you get burnt time after time when you find the
real quality isn't there. I also teach post-grad. design students.
That's a wild experience trying to explain what you've been doing
instinctively for 14 years to students. I think I learn more than them.

You wrote that you feel you are in a developmental stage with your
music. I feel the same way with my work. It's a great feeling to be
moving in a completely new direction, but frustrating sometimes as
well, because I know how much I have to do (and how little money I
have). You're pretty amazing, so I look forward to see/hear what comes
out. Good luck with everything.

-----------------------------

I just finished checking out sum of ur music and i totaly fell in love with the track "sleep"....its just..beautiful...u did a really good job in making it instrumentaly emotional...i really like it.
I have been making some of my own tracks on the program "reason" and they mosty are jungle and drum n' bass. if you do ever come to Toronto..and i sudgest you do (wickid city) i will gladly show you aroud..and we will most definety hit sum parties to show you the music scene here..i have alot of friends who spinn and mc. but honestly i think you have great talent in ur music..its very deep and raw..which is a good thing since now a days most music is so fake.

-----------------------------

was searching for nonsense on the internet and i found your site. I must say it is quite inspiring. Im right at the age of no turning back and I guess I just needed to see some one who was not afraid to do what they love and struggle. I am having to deal with my future and to be honest it is freaking me out. Even to a point where Im telling it to stranger, but I guess the mood moves me. I just discharged myself from the marines in order to persue a more creative life. I gave up a guarenteed upperlevel position for freedom I guess. I think it was the most honest decician I have made. Anyways. I enjoy my glimps of your life and your music seems like it was drawn from my body. I enjoy it greatly

-------------------------------------

deae jillian ann, anyway my site isnt much of a site yet honestly im embarrassed of it as yet, perhaps soon it will look better, anyway it will probably be about 2 months before its finished mabey less, so i thought i would send u a few examples of my work this way if your able to open them with aol, many ppl with aol are unble, i guess i will send them to u small in hopes u can open them but in doing so i will have to send them one at a time and not be able to attach them, i have a collector in manhatten who has aol and she is unable to recieve my larger format images so i usually have to send her the small images.
I noticed in your website that a few of your images were printmaking, it was hard to tell what kind, but i could tell that u were working with multiple images, unless you are just working in photography, i know for myself that i could manipulate an image in printmaking with transfer lithography, although your images really did not have a litho appearance, the multiple images reminded me of lithos, When i first came to the site where i saw you i sent u an email but i hadnt looked into your website yet, sorry, it is quite interesting, i did enjoy your poetry, letting go, i take it that u are in recovery now? the way u talk and think and your ideas on life remind me of a person in recovery, u know this is very good,
speaking of letting go i had a dream a few months ago, in the dream i was cleaning this apartment, not my apartment but in the dream it was my apt, anyway it seemed kinna foggy, like there was fog in the room, i looked down and there was a grey metal stick on the floor so i reached down with my left hand, althought i am right handed, and picked it up, when i picked it up i couldnt let it go, and i said "what is this?" and a voice within me said, "its a gun and when i say 'let it go u' say 'past' then u will be able to let it go" a whole flood of memories hit me from my childhood of having guns, as my dad collected guns, taught me firing guns, i had a pump 22 1922 smith and wesson as a child, gun made for a kid, ect anyway this gun was stuck in my hand so i laid down on the bed and the voice said, "let it go" and i repeated the word ,"past" , "its in the past" i became sleepy and the gun came out of my hand, to me this dream is about the things that i pick up things i may pick up and not be able to put down, things i may not be able to let go of once ive picked them up, as for my self i too have an addictive personality, and am in recovery with many years under my belt of clean time but i still pick things up in recovery that i cant let go of so this technique of letting go is helpful being able to see the consequences of actions before i pick something up is always helpful, i know many times i have blindly picked things up with out looking at what the consequences may be or not caring only to be devestated later wishing i hadnt picked up, so knowing that i have an addictive personality and seeing warning signs is very helpful, in NA we concentrate on recovery from addiction not just from one drug as addiction covers everything, drugs, sex, women, money, food, u name it, alcohol, gambling, most ppl in NA are there primarly for drug addiction but have other addictions concurent with the drug addiction even though its really just addiction, just one big thing, as for myself i started trying to get clean in 87 after treatment had two brief periods of 2 years each of clean time followed by 3 years each of relaspes and now working on over 6 years clean, finally happy in recovery and accepting of this illness, just do not want what i had before which was nothing.
Anyways ive sent u a moving line picture, the object is to look at it from 3 to 4 feet away from your monitor, if u can blow it up the size of your monitor, u want to pick a line in or near the center and stare at it, then let your eyes become unfocuses but keep them on the line u picked out, watch what happens to all the lines around the painting, they will begin to "crawl" "shift" and or "cascade" when your eyes focus back notice how all the lines beome more vibrant and go 3-D, ps these are copyrighted, im not telling how i do them but there easy, also there is only 5 lines in this painting, they start in the corners and end in the corners.
Wanted to say well u were talking about your soul, "see the world through your soul, feel through your body." All that we are is our soul without it we would not be, i was meditation, the 1st year i started practicing meditation in 87 and i was meditating with my girlfriend, ariel, she was sitting across from me in her livingroom crossed leggeded, and i across from her the room was darkened with a candle on the coffee table, she was in a deeper state than me and i was just starting and my eyes were open and i saw a purple blue very thin light come out of her head, all round her head, it went to all the walls in the room, and the light lasted about 30 seconds, i was in awe, i then knew that we had soul that there was something to meditation, that we had auras, that we were beings of light, that we were very spiritual, since then i have seen other lights on ppl, dark lights and fogs and many other bright lights fuzzy colors, during this time i began to astral project and became aware of my soul, basically i was leaving my body during light sleep willing it many times, i discovered my feet would "lift" out of me or my "head" would lift out of me i would raise up, sit up lift out and float across the room, like riding a invisible bicycle, i could pass through doors, the ceiling, walls, the 1st thing i noticed were my hands they always came up 1st, i could see throught them yet see the outline of them glowing many times orange red, yellowy, and i could make out faint lines in my hands even though i could see though my hands, i knew they were my hands, i would say "lift" and i would lift out of my body, rising head first sitting then floating up into the air, on one occasion there was a woman in the kitchen speaking in an angelical tongue i couldnrt understand her, another time a friend came as a guide and was talking with me, and on another time i discovered i was floating i felt warmth coming up into my legs as my body was glowing red, i was floating in front of a watercolor drawing i did in college of a tree, an oak tree from a park, and as i was there looking at it i was looking at it from everywhere , from all points in the room, from the very left, left center, center, right center, and right, my soul was in the whole room, not contained, not contained in a body, i could look back and see my body sleeping on the bed, many times when i was in this state i would see myself sleeping on the bed, i was always on my back sleeping, now these experiences only lasted about 1 year while i was working a hard landscaping job, i would take naps after work and i havnt had these experiences since althought i have had astral projection i\n dreams but not been in soul form., without my soul i wouldnt be able to see as i do the things that other pass by, things unseen, as an artist i have a keen eye, perception, when i was looking at the tree from all angles it had depth, more so that the painting, the colors were more vivid, i then zapped right back into by body.
Its getting late in the day i wish to work on the clemtis painting, as always take care, and dont think to much lord know s the philosophy sites are enough for me in a day, peace, jillian ann,

-------------------------------

Delerium has a similar sound to Jillians and influences seem
apparent. That such could come from sounds like skinny Puppy seems
odd but perhaps indicative and may parallel some other growth
patterns. It may be worth your while to find and listen to some
Skinny Puppy to re establish musical roots.

-------------------------------------------

Hey,
i came across your website a few hours ago. im really impressed by
your story and all your work. i feel like i relate to you somehow, but i
really cant exactly pinpoint how right now, maybe later. oh well, well if
you can add my name to your mailing list, that would be awesome. i really
like your writings and photography and stuff. its just soo interesting, i
think i might just spend a long time reading it. keep up the good work :-)

----------------------------------------------------

Jillian Ann,

-----------------------------

jillian - good to meet/sing with you the other night, i am listening to your music, i love inter+chaos, i like it all.

-------------------------

thank you for your answer to my mail against war (it was a positive surprise because one cannot expect an answer to an unexpected mail from a foreigner). And also I´m happy to win the feeling that you share the same position that war is not the solution (I allow myself to interprete this opinion from your short message - I beg your pardon). Now it seems that the US and British will win that war what could be expected, but it costs the lives of thousands of people and I fear that the world will not become more safe. Hopefully the Irakian people will reach a better situation after all the bad things it had to bear. Before some time I discovered your Sept 11 contribution (photos + text) in the net which - I found - have a strong impression and created a feeling of sorrow in me (surely some more words would be adequate but on the other side it perhaps would be too much text). Besides, I consider you as an artist, not a politician and don´t want to lose too much words ´bout politics right now.

------------------------------------

I went through a lot of your songs (this will sound false, but in fact is
very much true) and was having a hard time finding just a couple to use, but
after a full night of liestening... and liestening... and liestening to them
again I narrowed it down to five songs I would like to use. They are:
1.Epidemic (this song is amazing I still have it playing in my head, I'm
thinking to use it for the begin credits and play is sparaticlly throughout
the film, I completely fell in love with this song, its flawless!)
2.Movement in slow motion
3.Escolate
4.I know how hard it is
5.Mute

------------------

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