Descend From Hell
conception
of a moment
where i lose myself
in the colors
below my eyes
the paint blurs
into the tears
that fall on the canvas
and i feel like
i am losing my mind
into a circle
or rather maybe
i have been
like a rat in a cage
in a cycle
a circle
and i am just now
breaking outside the box
and i am aware and afraid
of what i see in front of me
i wonder if i am losing my mind
or if i am finding myself
digging my hands into the concrete
into my head
into my heart
into the cement
they bleed
as i try to lift
up and lift out
caught between the state of enlightenedment
and an eternal hell
i stay and stare as the sun
breaks into my fortress
and tears down the walls
and cuts me from my chains
but then free
i look at the escape
and i don't understand
life out there
life without cocaine
or heroin
or sex
or destruction
or pain
or cutting
or drinking
i look out and i see
the land where it seems so strange
and so far away
but i am forced out of my cell
into the blue
i fall down fast and i crash into the ground
shatter to a millions small particles
i lay there
scattered
shattered
feeling very
unconnected
then i hear
and see everything
aware of every urge
of every breaking point
of every moment i lust
after the boy near me
or the girl beside me
every thought that
crosses my mind is like
a loudspeaker
when did it get so loud
oh wait
i wasn't here before
where was i
i was floating
through life
induced
lost within
a bubble of
something
or someone
to keep me
from being this
awake
awake
keep me
asleep
no i want
to be
awake
be careful what you
ask for
i lay on the ground
i open one eye slowly
and look at the veins in my hand
i see the light pass over my other eye
inside over the iris
slowly floating
over the eye
i open my hand
it tingles
i feel the vibration of communication moving into
the blue within me
flashback to dreams
to visions
to my hand
crashed
to the ground
shattered
on to the cement
i dig my hand into the cement
i find glass
i look at it
i hear the thoughts
i hear my feelings
it's too much
it's too much
i can't handle this
not in a world that makes me
afraid
cause no one cares about anything
or anyone
i am afraid of Americans
i am afraid of politicians
i stare at the glass
it stares at me
it sparkles and shines
and i think of how it would feel
the pain of the glass
going into my skin
tearing it apart
and easing the pain
in my heart
but if i drain it
i will never understand it
my third eye opens up
pain is part of pleasure
pleasure is pain
i look at the glass
and cast it away
i close and open my eyes
and stare
to the sun
which shines
so beautiful
slowly i let the warmth
fill my body
and fill my holes
fill all the cuts
the sun
lifts me up
piece by piece
and glues it back together
then i lay there
in silence
as it breaths
into me
then without
further instructions
it looks at me
slowly
then says to me
gogogo
you are free
you are reborn
now
go
then i get up
i look out and i see
mountains
and trees
lakes
and oceans
stars
and dreams
love
and parties
dancing
and loving
then i dance
away on
my new feet
i wonder
if this
is yet
another dream
in which
i am existing
but in the end
it is all
only as real
as we
believe