I Am A Disturbed Child
I am a disturbed child
Left lost in a concrete jungle
It burns
Humanity’s created hell
I walk with chain
Sleep in fits
Under Brooklyn jams
Hungry handouts
Black hoody
Don’t notice me
I go on
Pretending not to be there
Living life frightened
Of being aware
A gallon of milk
Will get me there
Drink a cappuccino
Dream of where to go
Mild resistance to the urge
To undo what I have done
So far I’ve made it along
With the dizzy sound of music
About how the hills are alive
Mix with images from Disney
That used to sleep with me
Surrounded by fairy tales
Of things I used to be
Or I wanted to be
Then something came and destroyed me
Raped my childlike innocence
Took my visions and placed them in a jar
Locked them on a shelf
With the pictures I painted when I was four
In front of the shelf he sits
The voice that causes goose bumps
To crawl up my spine
Like needles cutting my skin
The voice holds me back again
He looks at me and says
"You’ll never get into heaven
Looking like that,
Covered in filth
Drenched in sin."
He stands dark as night
You can feel him
But he never comes into sight
He blocks the door for the masses
He feeds on decay and ashes
Dripping in plastic
He covers my eyes
Plays with lovers and boxes with latches
Daddy said turn the light off
I couldn’t sleep in the dark
So I would wait till he walked down the hall
Till there was no noise at all
And then tiptoe to the light
Run back into bed
Put the covers over my head
Go away
Go away
I tried to get away
Then one day he offered me medicine
It will make you see
So I inhaled
Shot it
Drank it
Smoked
Ate the pills
For months he fed me
And every time I took his medicine
He removed a bit of my collection of dreams in the jar
I kept trying to outdo the Gods
Tried to undo nature
Tried to escape mortality
And drown in a pool of blackness
Then one day
I saw that the jar was almost empty
Shocked
I stood back
Looked at my decaying flesh
And screamed in agony
This can’t be
How I leave myself
To rot in frail insanity
I was angry
I stared him down
As he laughed at me
I want my dreams back
He looked at me and pointed to the track
Filled with trains
"Go out and find them"
He laughed
As he was amused that my soul took his medicine
In exchange for dreams
So I wandered out of the hole
And took the first train
I looked for my pieces
I asked strangers
But the more I saw
The more I asked
The more I understood
They had sold their dreams
For the drugs as well
The IV of being high
Was imprinted in their eyes
Sadly, I got on another train
And went looking for people
With life in their eyes
To my dismay
I’m still pushing away
Down the stairs
Looking for my dreams
To come back and play
‘Cause I’m disturbed
Like a child gone astray