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*********************** RaPe And Sexual abuse-------- ways to start getting out/getting help

your not alone..............lets start there

So. I am dragging the cat out of the closet so to speak. Some have asked me why I am going public with this and the answer is because there are too many people out there that die because of the silence, because they feel they are alone and no one else out there has gone through sexual abuse, rape, and other things that cause people to often lose their sense of worth and make people feel they aren't whole and cannot be loved.

Over my life time, I have met so many other girls and boys who didn't have to tell me. I could see it because it is a pain you can see in their lives, in their eyes. The numbers seem to be rising. Within the modeling and entertainment industry, it appears to be rampant. With the explosion of the Glamour/Porn/pseudo-adult industry and the Internet, I know there are thousands more. Some of them are forever locked within the frames of pictures and movies.

I am writing this for all of those who have been pushed, shoved, drugged, manipulated, or fed to people who have hurt them emotionally, physically, spiritually because I know the numbers are high. There are many kinds of sexual assault or forms of abuse. You have rape by strangers, but, more often than not, it is usually committed by someone you know and who you may have even liked or trusted; someone who pushes you even when you say "no" or try to get away. Drugs are often also involved. Sometimes you are drugged, or sometimes you are just so high that you can't take care of yourself. If you didn't want it and made it known, it shouldn't have happened. We all make mistakes. We all end up in bad places, but, regardless, it's your body and your life and if someone destroys the wall that you have to protect yourself, it was wrong. Someone hurt you.

Often women and men blame themselves. Often the people who forced you to do something will tell you it's your fault that you did this or you did that. They are lying. You know the truth. More often than not though, you feel ashamed and/or embarrassed and are afraid of what people will think if they know. You feel damaged, not capable of being loved, worthless, useless. So, then, a lot of times the cycle begins. Some turn to drinking, drugs, bad relationships, strings of relationships built on need and fear. Others turn the sex industry. Some lock up and just turn off. Some develop eating disorders. The list goes on. But you were hurt and if you don't try to heal and seek help, as strong as you think you are, often you just go from one form of self-destructive habit to another.

I never got my childhood so I have spent a lifetime working on recovering, working on healing. Needless to say, my work has paid off. It was difficult and I will never say it was easy. In fact, it isn't over. But there is hope and you can get better because as much as you feel that there is a piece of yourself missing and that you lost something special and that no one will love you, it just isn't true.


I was sitting in an airport waiting for a plane to fly from Amsterdam to Milan when I realized the truth. Those things didn't destroy me. I am still who I was before they happened and I will always be me. It is the same for you. You are still the person you were before it happened. Also, another big thing is that you have to accept that part of yourself. That was really tough for me. I wanted to be stronger. I didn't want people to know that I had been vulnerable and weak. It wasn't until I accepted it and stopped rejecting the truth that I understood.

As I said, it isn't over. It will continue for the rest of my life as it will for anyone who has gone through it. But you can have your life back. You can be whole. You are worth something. And people will love you.

So, anyways, there is much more I would like to say, but I will save it for a later date.

Back to why this is here. It is here for all of you who feel alone, who feel hopeless. There are a lot of you. Don't be afraid to get help, to reach out, to make a phone call. Don't keep running because you can't run from what's inside. It is part of you and you can heal. You can have your dreams, hope and love back. You are still you and you are still worth more than anything in the world. You're beautiful. You're one of a kind. You are special. Don't believe the lies.

So now below are some links, some phone numbers, some books and some words from others. Get the cat out of the bag. It's not much use all locked up.

I have been going to thearpy which has helped me in a massive way to understand I am not crazy and what I did was a normal reaction. Thearpy is usually avalible for free you can find out more below. Also the book the Courge to Heal Helped me so much. Needless to say you arent alone and there are many out there who want to help. You just have to reach out and someone will be there to take your hand.

Books

I was given this one first by my therapist. Now youre talking to me and it took me years to even get up the courge to go to therapy. Needless to say, the book covers everything and is amazing because as I read it, I felt like a lot of things made sense. Knowledge helps you understand how and why you feel and do the things you do. Once you understand why things happen and why you do things, it gets easier to deal with them and to confront them. If you aren't ready to tell anyone, or ready to go to therapy or ready to come out of the closet, start with this book because you can go and lock yourself away in a dark room and read it alone and no one will see or have to know. By the end of the book, you may find it easier not to hide in the closet. You can get it on Amazon or at any book store or ask for it at the library. It's a good book.

The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis - a good book because it covers everything.od book cause it covers everything so it is very

Hotlines:

Sometimes you feel like there is no one to talk to and you're all alone and that no one would understand. The people on the other side of these phone lines are there to listen and to help you to understand. There is also a good chance that most of the people on the other side had something happened to them. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger than it is to go to people you know. If something happens to you or something happened to you and you are hurting or need some help, don't be afraid to use these hotlines. There are people out there who care and who want to help just because they want to. You won't be the first or the last to use these if you need to.

RAINN

(800) 656-HOPE

The Rape abuse incest national network (RAINN) runs a 24-hour hotline for survivors of any kind of sexual assault or abuse. When you call they will do everything they can to help and listen. The call is also 100 percent free and confidential.

National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline

(800) 799-SAFE

Another 24 hour a day hotline with people there to help you get out of a dangerous place or help you connect with people who can help you emotionally as well as if you are in an abusive situation they can help with shelters, counseling and support

WEBSITES:

http://www.poetrytherapy.org/

I believe creating and writing helps massively or at least it helped me and it continues to help me.  This site is worth looking into.

http://www.rainn.org/

RAINN is The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

Planned Parenthood

http://www.hopeforhealing.org

Hope for Healing

http://www.nvaw.org/

National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/state.cfm

National Women=s Health Information Center

http://www.escapinghades.com/resources.html

Escaping Hades

http://www.helpinghands2000.com/causes/women_rape.htm

Helping Hands 2000

A good resource for art and therapy

http://www.journaltherapy.com/

A good healing through writing and expression site

http://www.sehlat.com/survs.html

Information, links and other helpful things

http://www.nomsv.org/

For the boys and male survivors; links and information

http://www.safersociety.org/

http://www.sidran.org/

A non-profit organization that helps people with post-traumatic and disassociative disorders

http://www.stopitnow.com/

stop it now addresses the cause of child sexual abuse

http://www.jimhopper.com

A non-profit organization that is useful and has a lot of resources available

Below is a word of advice to models or others within the industry

Sexual harassment is something that models will inevitably face in the course of their career, but, armed with a little knowledge and some information, they can, perhaps, prevent it from getting too out of hand.

The first thing a model should know is how to recognize if she is the victim of sexual harassment. Legally, sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature which is a condition of employment or an offensive job interference. The harassment occurs because of the victim's sex. There are two types of sexual harassment. "Quid Pro Quo" sexual harassment occurs where an employer attempts to make an employee's submission to sexual demands a condition of his or her employment. The other type of sexual harassment is called "Hostile Environment" sexual harassment and this occurs where an employee or fellow employee(s) harass an employee because of his or her sex to the point at which the working environment becomes hostile. Sexual harassment can tale many forms, including, but not limited to sexual comments, jokes, cartoons, calendars, provocative e-mail, discussing your sex life or teasing others about their sex lives in the office.

If you believe you are the victim of sexual harassment, there are many resources available to you. Consult with an attorney. A list of attorneys who practice in the area of sexual harassment law can be found at http://attorneypages.com/attorneys/sexualharassment.htm . Another resource worth checking is at http://www.equalrights.org/ . State and County Bar Associations may also be helpful and a list of these organizations can be found at, among other sites, http://www.palidan.com/statebar.htm or http://www.romingerlegal.com/natbar.htm or http://www.womenlawyers.com/stateb.htm . The American Bar Association's lists of lawyer referral services and pro bono referral services may also be helpful and can be found at:
http://www.abanet.org/referral/home.html and http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/probono/home.html . The National Employment
Lawyer's Association ("NELA") may also be helpful. NELA can be reached at The National Employment Lawyer's Association; 600 Harrison Street, Suite 535; San Francisco, CA 94107 or at their website at http://www.nela.org/home1.htm .

Other helpful resources for dealing with questions of sexual harassment include the following: The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, a federal agency, which may reached at 1-800-669-4000 or, for printed EEOC materials on sexual harassment, call 1-800-669-EEOC. There is also a Sexual Harassment Hotline Resource List located at
http://www.feminist.org/911/sex.html .

Another helpful resource models may want to consult is NOW B The National Organization for Women. NOW is the largest women's rights organization in the United States and receives many requests for advice on various issues affecting women's lives, especially legal cases involving employment discrimination, sexual harassment, divorce, child

custody, domestic violence, and sexual assault. NOW's national headquarters is located at 733 15th Street, NW, 2nd Floor, Washington, DC 20005 and its website is at www.now.org . While NOW will not offer legal advice or legal referrals to women who call, NOW's staff members will often try to offer some suggestions and refer callers to other groups which may be able to help. A list of NOW chapters by State can be found at http://www.now.org/chapters/states.html .

In conclusion, models may be victims of sexual harassment, but they don't have to remain victims. There are plenty of resources available which can assist a model in fighting back against sexual harassment.

Below is some information a lawyer worked on regarding the issue: Another perspective

Rape and sexual assault are two heinous acts that, unfortunately, are a reality in the world of modeling. There are always unscrupulous people B predators B who will try to take advantage of a model.s youth, inexperience, naivete, but there are many places out there which can help women/models who are the victims of these terrible crimes.

However, before going into that, it might be helpful to explain what generally constitutes rape or sexual assault (each state=s laws define them differently so we will speak only in general terms here). Both rape and sexual assault entail any unwanted, non-consensual, manipulated or coerced forms of sexual activity and can include the following: the non-consensual touching of an intimate part of the body, such as breasts, buttocks, or genitals or the forced, manipulated, or coerced penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth by a penis or an object. It can also involve a verbal coercion and threats, physical restraint, intimidation and/or violence. Sexual assault/rape is not a crime of passion. Rather, it is a crime of violence which uses sex as a weapon to overpower and to degrade the victim.

The results of rape can be devastating and traumatic so it is important that anyone who is a victim of a rape or sexual assault seek professional treatment such as medical care and psychological counsel. A rape victim should not have to pay for counseling, or, if a fee is charged, it should be a nominal one based on a person=s ability to pay. Most cities and communities anymore have rape crisis centers and these are excellent resources which provide counseling to a victim, long term counseling to survivors or rape and education. Most rape crisis centers have both group and one on one counseling. Look in the Yellow Pages under "rape," or "women's services. Some telephone directories even have rape crisis counseling under the emergency numbers at the beginning of the white pages. Hospitals are another good place to check for rape counseling and treatment. Police departments and offices of a prosecutor or district attorney will often be able to direct a person to appropriate agencies or facilities for rape counseling and treatment.

The Internet is another amazing place to look for resources that can assist victims of rape and sexual assault. The following links are just some of the many resources available online:

RAINN B The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network http://www.rainn.org/

Planned Parenthood http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

Hope for Healing http://www.hopeforhealing.org/

National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center http://www.nvaw.org/

National Women=s Health Information Center http://www.4woman.gov/violence/state.cfm

Escaping Hades http://www.escapinghades.com/resources.html

Helping Hands 2000 http://www.helpinghands2000.com/causes/women_rape.htm


State by State List of Resources:

http://katesfeminist.info/rape/help/usa.html

http://www.brokenspirits.com/directory/

http://www.nyscasa.org/rape_crisis/national/states.cfm

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