conception
i breath in
silently
look across from me
hear a voice
look outside yourself
i see a child
she reminds me of purity
she smiles and looks at her father
who clenches his face
trying not to react coldly
trying to be accepting
trying to love her
to adore her
daddy what does this mean
she looks up big eyed
he looks down and draws a smile
well he answers
i notice her snow boots
and her bright hat
her eyes so full of life
so full of energy
conception
i think of being a mother
i doubt it will ever be
maybe but to me
everyone i encounter
is someone i can love
someone i can pour out my heart to
making me a modern freak
of nature
my love often confuses those
who i love the most
when drunk or high
they show me how they feel inside
you can't love me
they yell it's all a lie
i cry because i don't know what else to do
what can you do when someone you love
wont believe you
conception
i lay in the steam room
i connect with my deepest state
i leave my body and i visit all of those
who i love
who turn me away
who tell me my love is a lie
every day
i visit when i pray
i pour out my love
to all of them
in the spiritual world
i have been told
the action
and the thought are the same
you may be able to push me away
in a physical state
tell me i never loved you
and tell me it was all a lie
but i will not stop loving you
regardless of what you do
if you go out and try to kill it
it will only continue
silently
there
and will never discontinue
this love
will continue
and if i never see your face again
every day
my love still goes from my heart to you
there are many
who i loved
who pushed me away
called me a liar
or hurt me
abused
used
thrown away
when they can't face themselves
but i continue
to love
even those who
hurt me the most
from a distance
i wont be a masochist
but i refuse to
turn cold
to believe love isn't true
conception
my conception is beyond
this state of being
for if i don't break through to you
till we are on the other side
or in another life
it doesn't make a difference
to me
i don't love you because of what you give me
i love you for being you
in all your mistakes
in all your feeling worthless
in all your fear
in all your doubt
in all your insecurity
in all your fear of trusting me
in all you do that hurts me
in all you do to hurt you
it doesn't matter in the least
i still love you
no matter what you do
i look at the little girl
with the fire in her eyes
in the subway
as the rain fades to snow
to slush under my feet
that makes me remember i am alive
the more i love
the more i feel
the more i feel
the more real i become
like the little girl
who shows each small emotion
with a grand statement
of smiles
or tears
she expresses without fear
she loves
even if it makes her
cry sometimes
but my heart is never broken
for love is not what i get
but what i can give
love is not what i can take
but what i can leave
conception of
a vision
for i love
so many
maybe this
is my calling
to love everyone
unconditionally
and to show them love
not by words
but by actions
to love even those who hurt me
who hate me
who try to undo me
those who i love
who reject me
who tell me i can't love them
who run away
to continue to love
even when it is hard
even when it is difficult
even when it is painful
to love even when
there is nothing in it for me
to love even when it brings me to my knees
to love even when it breaks me
and i feel there is a reason
i can only believe in
and i can only trust
that this is all there is
so therefore to continue
blindly loving
without return
without a reason
beyond knowing
loving is all i can do
conception
of an understanding
that i will never be able to
expect anyone to love me
and if i do
i am loving them on conditions
which isn't love
so in order to really love
i must love
without wanting
or needing anything in return
to love even without any response
to love even when they turn on me
tell me they hate me
that i don't love them
that i am a liar
to love them even then
when they try to kill my love
try to prove
i don't love them
like children
trying to make a mother
say i hate you
pushing buttons
because they cant believe
even then
conception
to open my heart
wide and understand
i may never see why
in this life
but to love
unconditionally
so if sometimes
you feel something
come to you
and touch you
it is that love
that will never abandon you
no matter what you do
conception
as i walk through the snow
the conception of love
grows within my body
between my breast
through my legs
to my head
it grows
large and wide
and washes away
all the pain
i felt
love is stronger
then even death
much stronger than hate
anger
fear
doubt
conception
it has begun
to fill
my soul and overflow
into ever aspect of my being
so if you feel me
i am there
i will always believe
in love
and i will always believe
in you
no matter
what you do