Come to My Party
i feel nervous
something is lurking
sexual urges
come while i am sitting
state of meditating
state of re-arranging
the mind set i used to
lay in believe in
what is real my dear
i question myself
i read books
i like the solitude
i am scared of being here though
i feel things
i see things
no tv
no radio
nothing but my soul
the sun
me
modern monk
how did this happen
i remember it wasn’t long ago
i was snorting cocaine
dancing naked on a stage
living life in a parade
but i was crying on the way home
driving down I-75
i would find a lover to ease my pain
then grow bored of the game
leave them wondering what they did
all because i didn't ever really want them
i just felt like i needed a needle
or a person
or money or power or sex or pain
or drugs or food or something
anything to keep me from feeling
from hearing that voice
the voice
that told me
that called me
that tried to keep me
from running
but i hated that voice
or i obeyed what hated the voice
either way i made the decision to listen
i can’t blame my mistakes on demons
i can’t blame my actions on my mother
my father
my preacher
my lover
but as long as i could escape
from facing the fact
i was the one who made the choice
i could live in self pity
i could live in fear
i could justify
my pain by blaming them it made me feel
so much better
but there was this voice
which would say
no it’s you that has to change
not them
it’s you
i didn’t want to listen
because that meant i had to work
i couldn’t just do what i wanted without
thinking i had to obey
no screw you i would scream and point my finger to heaven
i don’t believe in you
not after seeing what your so called people do
then i would go out and find
a needle or a line a lover or go drink till i felt like
i was having such a merry good time
with all the cool people
who do the same thing
who all smile and look so pretty with their pretty faces
and their nice cars
in the fancy bars
with their hearts shut
down dead closed for business
can you give me a bump
you look so good
can i kiss you
let’s make love
let’s party
let’s grab a cab and race back home before
we melt when the sun comes up
then we can call them to deliver cocaine
and strawberries and have sex with each other
then tomorow you will leave
forget my name
i will do the same
you’re so cool
so am i
in the world of beautiful people
drinking
doing drugs
not listening
what voice
what God
what heart
what end
i will live forever
can you pass me my vodka
did you see the new line of fall designs
so beautiful
so amazing
did you see her new boobs
they look so fake
you’re so beautiful
can i keep you as a pet
soho sunset driven to malibu
so pretty so empty so pretty so shallow
they tried to catch me
tried to keep me
tried to make me a pet
tried to marry me
tried to fly me
to london baby
to see the queen
come do more blow
and we will fall on our knees and beg for mercy
tomorrow when our head is blowing up
not so long ago
sometimes i go back
baby where you been
they kiss my face
would you like a drink
a line
a bump
come i will introduce you to
the head of here
the owner of there
baby why don’t you come out more and play
you’re so beautiful
i sit now
i am like a white witch to them
for real magic never dies
i sit here
away from the city in the city
i love the city
i love them
but i see under their
silly faces and their make believe games
of darling and baby and sweetheart
and you’re going to be a star
i will walk with you
but i wont take your candy anymore
cause it makes me slower
makes me asleep
that’s why you call me
because you feel some energy
but you don’t understand cause you’re like babies
asleep with a bottle in your mouth
you should run from me
hide under your bed because
chances are if you stick around
i might decided to listen when I hear my inner voice
tell me to pray for you
or to reach out and touch you
but not in a sexual way
because i won’t sleep with anyone who is
not like me because i would end up using you
growing bored of you
leaving you
so i wont even touch you
cause i cant make love to dead souls
it’s forbidden
so i don’t sleep with anyone who isn’t
spiritual you see
sorry but it would violate the rules
my master made
he is a good master
he never lies to me
never tries to control what i do
he sets me free to roam
tells me i can do anything
is there for me is i need him
but tells me when i need to be alone
i have good masters who don’t use me
but do what is best for me
you cannot be my master because
you don’t care about me
cause you can’t even see
so you should be afraid of me
because if you stick around
i might decided to try to open your heart
play doctor
give you a new medicine
give you a few things
to do
i may listen to the inner voice
when it tells me
to pay attention
try to reach into you
pull out the strings
that are killing your soul
the strings are attached to things though
big dark lurking powerful things
you should stay away from me
cause if i go in
and pull with those strings
the things which hold them
that make you a puppet
you are a puppet baby
will be very unhappy
then they will do all they can
to keep you asleep
keep you feeding them
you’re a sheep my precious
as long as those strings
are attached to your soul
they don’t like it when i come in
with words of truth
that tell you what you can be
if you just believe
or worse
they hate God
hate the very mention of God
then they will try to push you deeper down
the battle begins as soon as the light reaches in
i was once a puppet
some days i slip back
i hear myself speaking
and am taken aback
did that come out of me
my thoughts trip to the dark
i feel a string
i look for the knife
and cut it off
get out of my life
i detest you
but back to you
i have been in dark places
for many years
i met most of the big ones
who keep you in strings
you can’t see them because
you can’t see without your third eye
if your heart is cold
your third eye is closed
but they see you they see me
don’t you know they don’t want you free
but if something keeps me around
pushes me to open up and put my hand out
if i come in to fight beside you
i want you to understand
i have been told
by my master that once i reach out
there is no turning back
once i stand beside you
i will die next to you
in the battle to free your soul
from the things that keep you under control
for someone died for mine
so i pass it on
i have been taught my entire life
how to fight and play the game
i am not a witch or a saint
i just stayed awake
so if you happen to find me
near you
you need to decided
what master you want to rule your life
for the one that only ones your destruction
is the only one i will fight against
for he is my only enemy
but he has no face
never seen his shoes
he moves silently
between you and me
he has agents
smarter quicker
more in tune
than anyone you will ever see
but you never see them
you feel them though
if you are awake but if your asleep
you think people like me are just
granted that was my enemy best invention
make them believe there are no such things
make them believe they are the only things
make them think they are alone
make them believe there is no heaven
no hell
no angels
no demons
make them take drugs to numb their feelings
perfect that way
they wont feel us as we eat them
for lunch and dinner
better yet we will make a machine
that will replace their feelings
their thoughts
their ideas
with ours
then we will grow fatter and stronger
then one day we will
laugh as they all die for us because we hate them
for they are the other king’s creatures
so in order to get back at him for kicking us out
we will kill them
kill them as many as we can
we will lie to them
and make them believe
this is the only way
and it will feel good of course
at first
then we will control them
own them
make them think without us without our power
they are nothing
then we win
oh yes
so anyways
those are the conversations
overheard
when i was listening and watching
as the thing started spreading
i was listening as a child
i was told as a child
it was my job
to stay awake
to understand the dark
as well as the light
to follow my master
even if it confused the world
i was told this was all
that really mattered
that it was my job
so i listened
and continue to
but i am just as lost
as any of you
i was just told
to not fall asleep
to always wake up
so i do
i never slept
i was always awake
even when i went to hell
and paid a visit
that was a mess
trust me on that
so i have done the drugs
had the sex
felt the pain
slit my wrist
been abused
been used
raped
left better off dead
seen a few guns
in my face
laid a few times wondering
if my heart would start again
but i never fell asleep
so now i am here
awake
i will keep falling flat on my face
but i will feel the pain
deep within
which will drive me to get up
again
so back again to me and you
better beware
i am not here to keep you comfortable
but to try to make you think
try to wake you up
but don’t worry
i wont leave you
abandon you
discard you
love never leaves
so once it reaches in
you are always a string tug away
cause just like the dark leaves strings
so does the light
just like the dark fights
so does the light
so better be careful
cause i might leave a string in you
that is attached to heaven
then it will remind you
to come home someday
cause we are waiting
to really party